I want to die with my forehead on the ground, The Sunnah in my heart, Allah on my mind, Quran on my tongue, And Tears in my eyes

Thursday, June 3, 2010

I really wanna help her!

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

You guys i really dont know what to do, so my friend "M" about two years ago she was...well she was on the heavy side. I didnt know her back then, cuz i didnt live here, but she told me
several people made her life a bit more difficult. Name calling, and stuff plus she was nearly invisible. She is so kind and fun to hang out with but nobody saw that because they didnt even try to get to know her.
She did have friends though just not as much as now.
Point is she decided that summer to loose weight, no she didnt start exercising. She just started eating only fruits, and not even that much of those either. You guys we are teens, this is an important time of our lives where we need to get good nutrition and be healthy. Well she did loose weight so she kept doing that all of last year. This year i got homeschooled so i didnt see her much, but i saw her today while going to pick up my lil sis from school, and my god i barely new it was her. She got sooo friggin skinny, and like dangerously skinny. idk how to help her, i mean i dont wanna tell her what to do, and we dont talk too much any more so it would be kinda awkward. What do u guys think i should do, have u ever been through something like this?


that's me said...

I think you should do it because you are her friend and you are worry for her...but dont feel bad if she get upset for it.... coz in fact that should be her parents work...where are they?, haven't they noticed that she has a trouble?

Winning-over-my-world said...

No offense to you or anthing, but since you did ask for what I think, I have to say that you shouldn't bug her about it. Maybe she doesnt need help. I'm very skinny and a lot of people think I don't eat but the thing is that my metabolism is very fast. I have many friends who are scary skinny but they lead very healthy lives because they eat, they just don't gain weight. Maybe her body took a turn in the digestive system. Maybe this friend of yours didn't drastically stop eating or something and just helped out her metabolism by eating all those fruits. Not to be nasty, but the people who are heavier usually don't take a dump often. It is possible she just starting using the toilet more. Unless she became bulimic, don't stress over it.

BubbliMuslima said...

Well thats the thing, she DID tell me she stopped eating everything but a couple fruits a day, thats NOT leading a healthy lifestyle.
you are skinny because u have a quick metabolism, she is skinny because she doesnt eat well. she told me that herself so i believe it.

Winning-over-my-world said...

Oh, well if she does cut off her nutrition sources, you should say, "I'm worried that this could go in the wrong direction. Make better choices, don't kill yourself." But i would still lay low because even if you are her friend, her weight loss is personal to her (I'm assuming, maybe it isn't) so she could take your saying something the wrong way.

Irendi said...

It's important that you speak to her about it in as gentle of a way as possible.

I have dealt with weight issues my entire life. I mean my ENTIRE life.

She may initially be upset with you, but she'll love you for the concern.

Amira said...

ahh this is a delicate situation. You dont want to alienate your friend so I suggest first starting to get back into her life before you talk to her about your concerns.

AlabasterMuslim said...

Salaamu Alaikum Sister!!!
Ok sooo these are my 2 cents....

If she stopped eating, say something. But since you haven't seen her in a while, talk to her bring up her weight loss. Ask her if she is still doing the fruit-only diet. If she is, and she still isn't eating right, then say something. But don't be surprised if she is offended, or ignores you. Honestly, some people are just set in their ways. However, it could make her start thinking. You could also tell her to at least take vitamins (a lot of them!) and eat peanut butter for protein...
Its crazy important to have the right nutrition at your age, your right. But like I said, don't be surprised if she doesn't listen to a word you say :(.

I hope you are doing great sweety, inshallah :D
And I am making dua for you and your family.

qistina said...

i think all she needs is self confidence. theres nothing wrong with not being skinny. but if she practices a healthy diet now, then let her be. good for her alhamdulillah

Beyoutiful said...

hey sister. i think you should pray 2 rakat nafl and pray for her and ask Allaah to make the situation easy for you to handle and then you should tackle her (not to the ground =) ).
your sister in Deen.

TiiNyOn3 said...

maybe you should make her aware of the consequences of eating like that. you could research and find out what health risks she's putting her self into! myb that could help!

Anonymous said...


tween years are tough. But as a former severe dieter I know what your friend is going through. This is something only kindness can heal. Become her friend again and try to strenghten the relationship. bringing up food will hurt her. Trust me, it was the last thing I wanted to discuss during my battle with self image. Her weight and looks is something she has been mentally beaten up with probably most of her life. This is something she will have to heal on her own, no amount of friendly advice can help her. Only love. If she feels loved by friends and family she can finally break out of her shell and begin to learn herself. Trust me it may take her years. It took me till I got pregnant 3 months ago to finally understand my self. Just be a loving friend and dont bring up food at all. Because you wont be the only one bringing it up and it'll feel the same as back when she was bigger. It'll go into her mind as more mental beatings. LOVE is the answer, coming from a girl who knows all to well the battle with Anorexia.


Anonymous said...

O and as beyoutiful said..pray for her. only god can guide her during these tough years of her life!


Falling Up said...

I did the same thing like ten years ago. OMG I'm fricking old. Except I ate ice and resorted to fruit when I felt like I was going to pass out. I exercised 3 hours a day. I didn't look all bony like anorexic people, and even though people tell me I'm a stick I still see a chubby girl in the mirror. And always will, probably. I was teased a lot when I was younger so it really killed my self-esteem. I know it's not healthy, but I can't help it. It's like an addiction; I was obsessed with losing weight. Alhamdulillah I'm better now and I don't know what made me stop being so obsessive. But if I gain even a pound I diet until I lose it. idk what to say, even though I've been through it, it's not something I'm completely over.

BubbliMuslima said...

hey guys thanks so much for the advice, i guess the solution is to slowly get back into her life and show her i love her for who she is not how she looks and then try to gently tell her what i think but with facts. i will also keep her in my duas inshallah.